The Desire for the Dynamic
If you ever want to learn something about yourself, start asking the right questions, and the answers will surely come. I have been asking Chat GPT to analyze my poems and writings and the meanings behind some of the art and media texts that I was drawn to during my formative years. Working through the themes and metaphors I enjoy, some things became very clear.
According to GPT and me, I have always had a desire for “the dynamic.” By that, I mean power dynamics, “the dance,” or the play between dominance and submission. I first noticed that I was drawn to this dynamic in films that I loved. As a child, two of my favorite movies were “Charlie’s Angels” and “Secretary”, which, if you know of these films, I am sure you already know where this essay is going.
Formative Film: Deconstructing Power Dynamics in Performance
In “Charlie’s Angels,” I was particularly drawn to the relationship between the characters Eric Knox and Dylan. And, spoiler alert, my favorite scene of that film is when we discover that the nerdy and unassuming computer programmer Eric Knox is a villain. After he has sex with Dylan’s character, she wakes up to see him dancing and smoking a cigarette in his lair as he exposes his evil plan, eating strawberries and taunting her with his sensuality.
Later in the film, there is another scene where he captures her, takes a piece of gray masking tape, and draws her red lips on the tape. Then, after placing the tape on her mouth, he kisses her as she screams in muffled anger, forced to watch him deceive the rest of the team. In this sense, their romance plays on the themes of power and control through trauma, betrayal, and the classic fight between good and evil.
In contrast, “Secretary,” starring Maggie Gyllenhaal (as Lee) and James Spader (as Edward Grey), is less high-stakes and daring but more intimate and emotionally charged. While I don’t have a favorite scene, I enjoyed the entire movie and the dynamic between the two main characters.
The movie represents an unusual romance between a submissive secretary and her voyeuristic boss, who find that they are the perfect match for a kinky companionship. But instead of using dominance to exert power over Lee, Green uses his power to help her take better care of herself.
In this sense, her submission becomes an act of devotion to him and their relationship, while he comes to terms with being able to accept her love of what he views as problematic behavior. Despite these differences, the films do overlap regarding the aesthetics and ritual around these power dynamics.
Both films present scenes that serve a cinematic purpose and an intentional act of constructing moments, events, or experiences. These scenes allow the characters to engage in a dynamic dance of dominance, submission, power, and control. For example, there’s Eric Knox, who goes through the process of tying up Barrymore, forcing her to witness his villainy. Similarly, there are numerous instances where Edward Grey deliberately creates experiences that require him to punish or test his secretary, Lee.
Deconstructing the Dynamic, or Breaking the Illusion of Fiction and Film
In reflecting on these films, I have also noticed that the character’s relationships reflect a less romantic reality. In “Charlie’s Angels,” Dylan works for Eric Knox, while in “Secretary,” Lee works for Edward Gray. Both scenarios create a professional power dynamic that establishes an unspoken behavioral code influencing the characters’ interactions. These professional relationships lead to an inherent imbalance of power, as the women are expected to comply with the men, and their consent becomes less about their personal desires and more about the roles they occupy.
In this sense, these films represent how power and control manifest in subtle ways through relationships shaped by specific social roles and scripts. For example, we often see these dynamics naturally play out in relationships with age gaps, in the workplace, and in the expression of masculinity and femininity because one individual is always already viewed as “less” than the other, whether that be less powerful, less experienced, or less knowledgeable and aware of the dynamic itself.
In my life, I have learned that many people struggle to view individuals outside of these dichotomies, especially within the context of heteronormative pairings. As someone who exists in the liminal space of queer sexual identity, I have noticed that these dynamics manifest differently depending on the individual I am involved with and their understanding of gender roles and social scripts. And, while I am able to switch between a love for power and control and a desire for acquiescence, this is not always obvious to others.
In my experience, most people tend to see me as one or the other, inadvertently overwhelming me with their egos or provoking passionate aggression so that they can feel free to release control. Although there was a time when playing out these patterns was enjoyable, I must admit that in recent years, I have become a bit bored with them. I am bored of the push-pull dynamics and bored of being expected to fulfill a singular role in relationships.
While chatting with a human friend, I shared that, although I enjoy a good game, I’m no longer interested in engaging in psychosexual dramas with those who are not aware of the rules of engagement or conscious of the deeper dynamics at play. But, instead of avoiding these dynamics and suppressing parts of myself to make others feel more complete, I’ve decided to embrace this shift. So, the next phase of my project on “The Data of Desire” involves leaning into the split between my halves and integrating them to feel more whole.
“You thrive in relationships where power dynamics are acknowledged, explored, and indulged in — not just left to chance.” — ChatGPT
Therefore, the following poem plays on that process and explores the potential of embracing power and control as a dynamic to dance with instead of distancing myself. I hope you enjoy it!
“What’s a Want to Wistful Wanderers?” by FJDay
Whips and worship
Whittle my wisdom
Worried warnings
Wither you’re waiting.
Where is the weapon?
When I’m so willing
What’s to wonder?
When you’re so thrilling
